The Dos and Don’ts of Wedding Planning from a Professional:

From the desk of: Phoebe Allen 

If you do not know me yet, my name is Phoebe Allen, Creative Lead and Event manager at AE Events.  I specialize in planning of all of our social events, managing the mitzvahs, parties, and especially the weddings.

Over the years of being in the wedding planning industry I started to build my own list of dos and don’ts in my head of what I see that works and what does not work… and after years of experience, most of this has become second nature to me and is truly what makes me good at what I do.  However, I realized that this is key information that I should be sharing with the world!

So, for you, I have summarized my list of the top 25 do’s and don’ts of wedding planning.

1.     Hire a wedding planner – I just had to put it in here.  Build this pricing into your budget from the start.  There is a wide range of pricing for a wedding planner.  If hiring a full service planner is not within your budget, consider hiring a partial planner which is vital to making your wedding day run smoothly.  You do not want to be running around on your wedding day setting things up and answering questions for vendors, you don’t even want to be doing that the month of your wedding!  A planner does all of this and much, much more. As your planner, if we are doing our job correctly, we are actually saving you money, because we help you prioritize your budget and get you the best prices possible.

2.     Say no when you want to!  You are the bride/groom – this is YOUR day.  For example, your bridal party: if picking bridesmaids and groomsmen is stressful to you then just don’t do it, or pick and choose who you want. You are allowed to say no when you want to and create the day of your choosing!

Photo: Genevieve de Manio Photography

3.    Don’t let family interfere – I understand this may be the most challenging of all, but my suggestion is to sit down with all parties involved at the very start of wedding planning, whether that be an aunt, parents, siblings… whomever!  Sit down with them so they can lay out all their expectations but more importantly you can lay out yours.

4.     Set your realistic budget from the start.  Understand that budgets change and there should be wiggle room in your bottom line but set your budget from the start and stick to it.  The best way to do this (since I know most of you who have never planned a wedding don’t know what things cost!) is to sit down with a professional and pick their brain and get some realistic numbers.

5.     Pick three of your most important priorities – My first question I always ask my couples is: what are three of your most important ‘must haves’ at your wedding?  Maybe it’s floral, invitations, the dress, food and so on.  You get one, your fiancé gets one, and you agree on one.  This helps to prioritize your budget.  The rest of the pieces we can get creative about how to make them happen but in a more cost-effective way without compromising the core of its integrity.

6.     More is not always more… I leave it at that.

7.     You can always ask for discounts or ways to save.  Your vendors should want to create the most special day for you within your budget, so there is no harm in just asking.  They may say no, but if you don’t ask…then the answer is definitely no.

8.     Have a conversation over zoom or in-person with your photographer before signing anything. If a traditional telephone call is all that is possible, be sure to do this!  This person will be in your personal space pretty much the entire day.  Of course, you have to like their photos but you also really need to mesh with their personality!  The same goes for any other vendors that will be with you that day…don’t forget about the hair and makeup artists and your videographer too.   

9.     Give someone your phone at the start of the day so you don’t even think about it – they should be your second photographer that day.  You will want to wake up to photos.

10.  Speak of phones…NO phones at ceremony, enough said.

11.  Use a lavalier microphone clipped to their clothing for your ceremony officiant – who wants all their beautiful ceremony pictures to have a 5’ microphone stand in them…not pretty! 

Photo: Alice and Chris Photography

12.  Make your ceremony yours – your ceremony is where you are wed, it is what people come to see and be a part of.  Make it your own, add your own special twist.  Whether that is a certain type of music, a fun speech during the middle, your own vows… really anything, but make it yours.

13.  Always have a moment alone with your fiancé whether that is before or after the ceremony.  Ask the caterer to have your favorite drinks and a plate of food for you to snack on.  You will need the nourishment and hydration…and this is a great way to taste some of the hors d’oeuvres during cocktail hour that you might otherwise miss when saying hello to everyone.

14.  Splurge to pay for a hotel room the night of your wedding and the night before – ask for late check out!  That way you are not responsible for cleaning up the next day and you can just rest.

15.  For brides - make sure your florist knows your body size and wedding dress design/color – you want to make sure your bouquet is designed in proper proportion to who you are - if you are a petite bride, you don’t want an enormous bouquet that overwhelms the image of you walking down the aisle.

Photo: Tatiana Blanco Photography

16.  Make sure the bridal party does not drink too much during the day – I have had to kick people out of weddings for this!  Make sure someone is in charge.

17.  Plan your after party – do not leave it to the last minute

18.  You do not have to have a brunch… that is all there is to say about that.

19.  You don’t have to spend crazy money on everything – for example: Minted is a great way to save dollars on your print materials.

20.  For brides - Save your bouquet and make it into a preserved work of art, I recently came up Heirloom and am obsessed!

21.  Look into donating your flowers after your wedding…Reflower Project is an amazing company to work with.  They take all your flowers and repurpose them the following day, delivering them to a nursing home or shelter to give them a new life! First photo below is from the personal bouquets and second two are from their new life! They take all the floral!

22.  You don’t have to send out save the dates – you can mail your invites earlier, most of your guests will already know your wedding date.

Photo: Flavio D Photography

23.  Plan out your meals on your wedding day, do not forget about breakfast and lunch!  And please hydrate…that means WATER…lots of it! 

24.  If you are a crier (which I am too) have your makeup artist stay for touch ups after your ceremony

25.  And lastly, you plan your wedding for so much longer than you experience your wedding.  So have fun planning it.  If you are not enjoying planning your wedding than something may be off.  We are always here to have a consultation call… we want you to enjoy this experience just as much as you do!